Crossfit saved me.

This morning I woke up and felt like crap.  I wanted to stay in bed, bring the blankets to my face, and just sink deeply into the mattress until I disappeared.  The majority of this feeling was because I stayed up way past my bedtime (Roots 'n' Blues festival... totally worth it).  Regardless, it isn't far from the feeling I have felt many times before, and it reminded me of how far I have come.

For the last few years I have felt that way far more than I haven't.  Sometimes in the afternoon or evening when I would get home from work.  Sometimes for entire weekends when I knew I should be doing something productive.  Really, ever since my mom started getting sicker.  There is a lack of motivation that comes with despair.  When you are faced with a situation that is truly insurmountable, TRULY insurmountable, your bed and sleep seem to be the only solution.  At least for me.

When mom died in February, I truly felt at times as if my body was just wasting away with her.  I knew there was so much that I needed to accomplish but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I felt despair, exhaustion, anger... the entire spectrum of feelings.  I still feel that way a lot of times.  I have spent time over the past 7 months since she died thinking that I should go to therapy, that a counselor might be the solution to the "normal bereavement" associated with losing someone.  I would call people, do the "interview" that comes with the first time meeting a counselor.  None of it felt right.

Then I found Crossfit.  Sure I have been active over the months since mom died.  It was something that I wanted to try to do to keep me sane while studying for boards.  Exercise has always made me feel good.  But Crossfit has changed my life.  I realize with this post that I am running the risk of exposing the Kool-Aid stain on my upper lip... yes, I have chugged the Crossfit Kool-Aid.  I'm still not "paleo" but I have begun the steady trend toward cutting out gluten.  My aunt Molly would be proud.

What is Crossfit?  I think this video says it well:

This month marks the first time that I literally forgot to be sad on the anniversary of mom's death.  Instead, I was at my local "box" working out with some of the coolest, toughest, and funnest people I have had the pleasure of getting to know.

This morning instead of pulling the covers over my head and letting the day take over, I climbed out of bed and made myself go to Crossfit.  I still feel like crap today... but that is again because I'm not 21 anymore.  What I don't feel is sad, depressed, or lonely.  I have found the best therapy for me and I have learned through Crossfit that there are no bounds to my mental, physical, and emotional strength.