cuddle bunny.

Sometimes all you want is to cuddle up next to your favorite person to take a nice long nap.  Today mom and I did just that.  We turned on Parent Trap (Lindsay Lohan pre-party years) and slept.

I remember people telling me when I was young to enjoy the fun I was having.  The free afternoons, the planned recesses during the day, the fact that I could eat 20 Reese's PB cups without immediately seeing it manifest on my thighs.  These are things I didn't understand until now.  Now I live in a constant state of "go-mode."  Now my worries seem large and my recesses seem few and far between.  This morning with my mom brought me back to old times.

I appreciate them more now.

The baby doll.

For the purpose of my post, her name will be Erma... I don't want to give away identity, med school has taught me this much.  Next to her at the dinner table was a ratty baby doll, worse for the wear and missing an arm.  On the doll's soft white pillow of a body were stains, no doubt remnants left by the many who have held and rocked her to sleep.  Today she was Erma's baby.  As Erma struggled to get up from the table the nurse's aide (frustrated at Erma's 3rd or 4th attempt to leave the table early) shouted from across the table "Erma, you can't get up!  Your baby is still at the table!  You don't want to forget her, she will be so sad."  Erma immediately realized what had happened.  She sat back down, and with the help of the aide she grabbed the doll and began rocking her.

Erma: "I am so sorry my baby girl, I didn't mean to leave you behind."

Erma rocked the baby and spoke softly to her.  She kissed her on the head and told her she loved her very much.  She spoke as a mother would in soft tones with love in her eyes.  When dessert came out Erma tried desperately to share her cookie with the baby, giving the first bite to her as any mother would.  If you have ever visited a nursing home you know that dessert is the best part of the meal for most residents.  The sweet taste buds are some of the last to go as you age and so most never lose their sweet tooth.  That being said, it was quite incredible that she offered her treat up with such selflessness.  She tried over and over to coax the baby doll to eat her cookie.  She finally said with a twinkle in her eye and a laugh that would make anyone smile: "Well if she isn't going to eat it, I am sure not going to let it go to waste!"

It is amazing as we age the faculties that go and the faculties that stay.  We lose eyesight, hearing, taste, touch, many of our senses.  Sometimes we lose our grip on reality.  But my encounters have taught me that the elderly, even at the latest stages of dementia, still maintain fundamental emotions and feelings.  Love, fear, joy, anxiety.  For Erma it manifested with the most intimate of interactions with her baby.  An interaction that could have mirrored a new mother sitting on a park bench cooing at her baby girl.